We have a winner!

Remember the ugly duckling contest?

Yours truly, age 9.

Guess how many entries there were? THREE. You pansies!

Toby, November 1993. Ace mullet! 

Fran, 8th grade. (I think this photo is adorable, but if I didn't let her enter I'd only have two. Did I mention you all are pansies?) Brian, as an Eagle Scout.

I think I had said initially that I'd let you all vote, but there really is no contest here—Brian wins. Now that's what I call rockin' a unibrow.

And, as an extra-special bonus entry:

There are no words, only paroxysms of laughter.